Monday, May 10, 2010

One more revision of my poem; i think i finally nailed it; what do you think?

your touch, your voice, gave me so much more than pleasure;


effortlessly, broken pieces came together


shattered self, painful past, jagged edges, fixed and set,


to my amazement, liquefied, melted, warm and wet





a deep calm came over me, all was well and right


an unimagined dawn after a truly endless night


with you, I somehow knew, I didn鈥檛 need the show,


the heart learns fast, but the mind is slow; I knew, but didn鈥檛 know





that moment when potential yet unborn


comes to life and crystallizes into shape and form


shimmering perfection, in the palm of my hand


I just wanted to give you something


but you didn鈥檛 understand


my true wishes went unspoken


a new and fragile bond created, strained, and maybe broken


my words inverted, I misspoke; the writer couldn鈥檛 write


I sighed, determined: I鈥檒l fix this tonight.One more revision of my poem; i think i finally nailed it; what do you think?
it's... BRILLIANT! it was full of emotion and pain and really pulled the reader into the poem. however, even though it was really good it is still fuggy for me to understand what exactly the poem is suppose to be about, sorry but i guess i missed it.One more revision of my poem; i think i finally nailed it; what do you think?
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

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